Creek Running North

It’s a good thing this pointless awards thing came up during Writer’s Block Week. I might have had to run a clip show or something.

Anyway, as voting draws to a close on the Weblog Awards (ending Thursday 5:00 PM eastern, FYI) and my lead over the competition in the Best of the top 2501-3500 blogs division declines to an uncomfortable no-longer-more-than-twice-the-second-placer’s-total, I have started to reflect on the nature of campaigns.

Really, a successful campaign is all about finding common ground with the electorate.

And the electorate for these awards is pretty conservative. The awards are sponsored by Wizbang, for one thing, and many of the categories are dominated by far-right sites. Really, I don’t know how I got in there at all. How do I find common ground with the people who might otherwise vote for a competitor who snickers over the word “niggardly” when talking about Black conservatives? Or who describes his opinions on his FAQ page thusly:

Homosexuality:
Is a sin. Period. (It’s my dogma, my religion, my belief. Don’t try to change my mind.)

or

States rights vs. Federal Rights:
Usually, Federal Authority. Except for the death penalty (Yay Texas) and Queer Marriages (Boo New England).

I went down the laundry list. Hatred of non-white people? Can’t do that. Lust for bombing? meh. Fear of gays and lesbians? Hardly. A fervent and unsupported belief that the current government of the United States of America is the flower of the Age of Reason? An inherent oxymoron. Getting my expert opinions on biology from people who don’t know the difference between mitosis and enuresis? Or on sexuality from men who can’t get off without neoprene suits, butt plugs, and John Ashcroft singing on the 8-track? Erm no.

Then it hit me. There is something I can promise potential conservative voters, a practice that has been a huge political success among the far right, and I can promise it in good conscience.

I promise that if I win this vote, I will go on vacation immediately.

Though I will if I don’t win, too. The Mojave is calling me, and I must screen the call for a day or so and then call back and pretend I hadn’t noticed the Mojave’s voice mail message until right that second.

Incidentally, the guy I mention above is currently in second place. My fellow Koufax Award For Best Writing nominee Driftglass, an all-around good and deserving guy, is trailing him by a small percentage. Those of you who are interested in strategic and symbolic voting might wish to push Drifty ahead of the other guy by a couple dozen votes.

Or just vote for me if that’s easier to remember.  (You can vote every 24 hours, despite overloaded Awards servers. Keep trying; you’ll get through.)

And don’t worry: real, non-pointless content will resume shortly here at CRN.

UPDATE: skippy could use your vote too. As could Orcinus, in that same category, but I’m betting David cares less about winning than skippy does. Good choices either way.

Actually, I have never once seen David and skippy in the same room. Hmmm.