It’s a good thing this pointless awards thing came up during Writer’s Block Week. I might have had to run a clip show or something.
Anyway, as voting draws to a close on the Weblog Awards (ending Thursday 5:00 PM eastern, FYI) and my lead over the competition in the Best of the top 2501-3500 blogs division declines to an uncomfortable no-longer-more-than-twice-the-second-placer’s-total, I have started to reflect on the nature of campaigns.
Really, a successful campaign is all about finding common ground with the electorate.
And the electorate for these awards is pretty conservative. The awards are sponsored by Wizbang, for one thing, and many of the categories are dominated by far-right sites. Really, I don’t know how I got in there at all. How do I find common ground with the people who might otherwise vote for a competitor who snickers over the word “niggardly” when talking about Black conservatives? Or who describes his opinions on his FAQ page thusly:
Homosexuality:
Is a sin. Period. (It’s my dogma, my religion, my belief. Don’t try to change my mind.)
or
States rights vs. Federal Rights:
Usually, Federal Authority. Except for the death penalty (Yay Texas) and Queer Marriages (Boo New England).
I went down the laundry list. Hatred of non-white people? Can’t do that. Lust for bombing? meh. Fear of gays and lesbians? Hardly. A fervent and unsupported belief that the current government of the United States of America is the flower of the Age of Reason? An inherent oxymoron. Getting my expert opinions on biology from people who don’t know the difference between mitosis and enuresis? Or on sexuality from men who can’t get off without neoprene suits, butt plugs, and John Ashcroft singing on the 8-track? Erm no.
Then it hit me. There is something I can promise potential conservative voters, a practice that has been a huge political success among the far right, and I can promise it in good conscience.
I promise that if I win this vote, I will go on vacation immediately.
Though I will if I don’t win, too. The Mojave is calling me, and I must screen the call for a day or so and then call back and pretend I hadn’t noticed the Mojave’s voice mail message until right that second.
Incidentally, the guy I mention above is currently in second place. My fellow Koufax Award For Best Writing nominee Driftglass, an all-around good and deserving guy, is trailing him by a small percentage. Those of you who are interested in strategic and symbolic voting might wish to push Drifty ahead of the other guy by a couple dozen votes.
Or just vote for me if that’s easier to remember. (You can vote every 24 hours, despite overloaded Awards servers. Keep trying; you’ll get through.)
And don’t worry: real, non-pointless content will resume shortly here at CRN.
UPDATE: skippy could use your vote too. As could Orcinus, in that same category, but I’m betting David cares less about winning than skippy does. Good choices either way.
Actually, I have never once seen David and skippy in the same room. Hmmm.
Note:Many old comments were lost in a database crash in 2008. Some conversations may seem to make less sense than they would have. A few will make more sense now.
10 comments on "Campaign promises"lol! i actually wrote a long, conflicted essay about how i have always considered dave to be the best writer bar none in blogtopia (y,ictp!), and thus am so morose to have to shill for votes to pull ahead of him, just to not be in last place!
last year there were a couple of other even-less-popular-than-mine blogs that allowed me the dignity of not winding up in last place, but alas, even if that happens this year, it will be at the expense of orcinus, which is the best blog ever, so it would be a pyrrhic victory.
hey, i don’t get the whole “ugliness in the funniest blog category” stuff.
who’s whining now?
(keep in mind, jon swift’s whines are usually well-disguised points)
Orange: gorillas are vegetarians.
s., it’s just the ugliness of the Freeper candidate’s past actions, and the cluelessness of the people defending him.
I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had an argument or two with Sadly, No. But implying that they’re just as bad for making fun of people as the other blog is for having fatally interfered with medical treatment of someone they didn’t like is just…
arg. ugly.
oh, i haven’t even bothered to wade into those waters.
=v= Chris: Orange may be a blood orange.
Looks like you won! I gotta admit, it’s nice to see you get almost twice as many votes as the humorless, bigoted boor who was your closest competitor.
It’s not official yet. They have to look at the votes and throw out any with User-Agent strings like “Jym’sBlogAwardHackBot/1.50 (X11; Linux i686; U) [en]”.
They’ll announce the winners later today. I am wary but confident.
ha ha! and it looks like skippy pulled ahead at the very last minute to beat dave neiwert by two votes! ha ha! in your face neiwert! skippy rulez! second to last place! forever!!!
ha ha ha!
oh, yeah, and, congrats, chris.