Creek Running North 大自然 Jack Goff for the win

August 9, 2007

Jack Goff for the win

From his transcripts, at his blog:

BlogWarBot: I’m BlogWarBot. You have something to say we haven’t heard a thousand times before?
Guest: Well, maybe not a thousand times…
BlogWarBot: Maybe? Make a decision, Senator Lieberman.
Guest: I would, but I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say
BlogWarBot: I know you’re going to like what you have to say, but what am I?
Guest: Just, can we talk, please?
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.
Guest: I’ve been doing some thinking, and…
BlogWarBot: O HAI U CAN GRO BRANE? KTHX ^..^
Guest: I’m utterly in love with you
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re utterly in love with BlogWarBot?
Guest: I just get these feeling deep inside and it just hurts, you know?
BlogWarBot: You’re projecting. And in denial. And ugly.
Guest: I feel alone and pathetic and hopelessly lost when I’m not around you
BlogWarBot: Do you really feel alone and pathetic and hopelessly lost when you’m not around BlogWarBot, or did Fox News just TELL you that you do?
Guest: And then, sometimes I just start crying and wondering that maybe, just maybe…
BlogWarBot: You aren’t sure?
Guest: Oh, I’m sure. I know I can’t go back. I love you.
BlogWarBot: Even if you never go back. you love BlogWarBot, you still benefit from the patriarchy.
Guest: Well, I talked to my dad and my mom about this. They both told me to go with it.
BlogWarBot: You know ‘family’ is a patriarchal construct, right?
Guest: I was just kind of hoping you and I could start a family. You and me could mae it! I know we could!
BlogWarBot: Can we have just ONE discussion without some entitled person coming in and whining about their shitty family life?
Guest: My life is nothing without you. I need you. I have to be with you, or I’m going to...going to…
BlogWarBot: Do you recognize the privilege involved in your calling yourself going to...going to?
Guest: I know. I’m hopeless. I’ve tried to fight this for so long, and I can’t. I JUST CAN’T!
BlogWarBot: And your inability to . you JUST CAN’T has what to do with me, exactly?
Guest: EVERYTHING! My life is empty without you! Please say you love me, too! I NEEED to hear it!
BlogWarBot: Stop placing your oppressive expectations on me!
Guest: Why are you being like this? Weren’t we great together? You certainly weren’t like this last night!
BlogWarBot: You seem way too interested in whether or not I’m being like this? Weren’t we great together? BlogWarBot certainly weren’t like this last night.
Guest: OF COURSE I AM! I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!
BlogWarBot: Do you recognize the privilege involved in your calling yourself ! you’M IN LOVE WITH BlogWarBot?
Guest: I can’t believe you’re saying this!
BlogWarBot: I know you’re saying this, but what am I?
Guest: Just go away. I can’t deal with this anymore! You’re breaking my heart!
BlogWarBot: I know you’re breaking your heart, but what am I?

Posted by: Chris Clarke

Categories:
Poetry
Blogging

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ooooh, the romance! i must retire to the fainting couch.

1
By: kathy a
on August 10, 2007
at 09:30 AM

I know you’re breaking your heart, but what am I?

BlogWarBot, ever the soul searcher…

------------------

Dooce posted this link on her blog today and I’m passing it along. Wild lion reunites with the people who raised him. It’s old footage, a little pixelly, but wonderful all the same.

2
By: Lesley
on August 10, 2007
at 04:47 PM

Damn you Lesley, I almost made it through the day without tearing up. It reminded me of seeing one of Max’s pals near my folks’ place (Max the big grouchy dog passed away a few years ago). I hadn’t seen Tarzan for years, and I called his name. He stopped and looked at me, puzzled. In a matter of seconds, his ears and face told me he recognized me, and he ran up to greet, lick, etc. Then he looked at Max’s old favourite checking-out-the-street spot and whined gently. Joy and sorrow. Inseparable, aren’t they?

3
By: Rob G
on August 10, 2007
at 05:10 PM

BlogWarBot certainly weren’t like this last night.

That made me laugh so hard I had to blow my nose.

4
By: Violet Socks
on August 10, 2007
at 09:03 PM

Rob, hate to do this to you, but here’s another one. Male lions can weigh up to 500 pounds. Imagine the restraint!

I’ve been hugged gently by a grown elephant and it’s an experience I’ll never forget I can tell you.

5
By: Lesley
on August 11, 2007
at 02:04 AM

BlogWarBot: Hi, I’m BlogWarBot. Are you on my side or THAT side?

Guest: Did you see the lions, BlogWarBot?

BlogWarBot: Look. We’ll fix all that once we take back the Office of Management and Budget.

Guest: Oh, good. Because I love them.

BlogWarBot: Correlation is not causation, fartface.

Guest: I did wonder about that, re: lions and OMB, but I trust you.

BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.

Guest: You seem cranky this morning. Do you need a lion hug?

BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.

Guest: Really, I think you might like it.

BlogWarBot: You think? I haven’t seen any evidence of that.

Guest: Just watch Lesley’s clips. Just once.

BlogWarBot: So if I might ask, what’s your take on that last blog spat?

Guest: That lion hugs are the solution to everything.

6
By: Theriomorph
on August 11, 2007
at 08:06 AM

Sorry to post in a random spot, but here’s the deal--I saw a blog post that said that this week (in 2007) is Blog Against Racism week . . . but it’s Saturday, so I don’t know if that means it’s over, and anyway, when I googled the idea, I got stuff from 2005 and 2006, nothing from this year.

Here’s my thought . . . what if we had a Blog Against Racism day EVERY week? I’m going to vote for Sunday, since I am a Jesus follower and everybody knows that “11am on Sunday is the most segregated hour of the week” . . .

I think I’ll start tomorrow . . . my two concerns are:

a) I don’t know what the etiquette is for this (heck, I don’t know what the etiquette is for ANYTHING, it seems!) and since it seems to be “your” idea, I don’t know how you feel about me appropriating it . . . although I realize that it’s hardly copyrighted material . . . but I would still like to give the creator credit . . .

b) if you *are* okay with this, I am wondering if you would be willing to help me spread the word? Sounds like you did an amazing job with it previously.

thanks!

Rain

7
By: lorraine
on August 11, 2007
at 10:25 PM