September 11, 2007

Quality of Whose Life, Again?

[This recent and thought-provoking post by Rana on lifestyle assumptions from mainstream privileged environmentalists got me to thinking of something I wrote at Pandagon in May, which I suddenly realized never got cross-posted over here. So go read Rana’s post, which is unsurprisingly excellent as are her expanding thoughts in comments, and then come back and read this, which has been edited slightly from its Pandagon form.]

I was chatting with a friend recently about his father, who has become, in his advancing years, more of a management problem than my friend’s mother can handle. The family made the difficult decision to place Dad in a nursing home. Not entirely coincidentally, that same day we had both read this piece by Mary Kay McKown, entitled “The Elusive ‘Good Death’ for Frail Elders”:

For many Americans, the notion of “a good death” evokes a vision of dying peacefully at home, in the presence of loved ones. Although the Medicare hospice benefit was created in 1985 to facilitate this possibility for adults over the age of 65, very few people over the age of 80 die at home.

As a… nurse practitioner, I have worked closely with elders and their families, community case managers, home health and hospice interdisciplinary teams, geriatricians, and hospital-based providers to facilitate “good deaths” for frail elders in their homes, hospitals, and intermediate care facilities… I am concerned that the specialty of hospital-based palliative care may be contributing to the “medicalization” of death. By this I mean that death in old age is increasingly viewed (by patients and providers) primarily as a highly compromised physiological state that needs complex medical management, rather than as an important family event that can be anticipated and skillfully supported outside of the hospital.

It’s a good and heartfelt article, and I agree with most of it: A hospital is the last place I’d want to die. But there was something familiar about the issue, something that reminded me of a number of other quality-of-life issues that have been getting more notice in the public mind of late. Quality of life is an admirable, if vague, goal, but the question comes up: of whose life are we contemplating the relative quality?

Yes, death has been increasingly medicalized, but McKown isn’t exactly advocating de-medicalizing the process, just changing the venue. The problem isn’t that death has been medicalized — no one seriously advocates getting rid of doctors and nurses for aid during the process — but that it has been corporatized, like so many other facets of life. We get sick enough to die, and then the course of what’s left of our lives is lived out in impersonal surroundings, our needs attended to by strangers — skilled strangers, true, but dispassionate nonetheless, our decisions circumscribed by HMO policy and procedures driven by monetary concerns of either the cost-cutting or ass-covering varieties.

But when parts of our lives get corporatized, it’s generally the case that the associated relationships get monetized. In English: suddenly we find ourselves paying someone for labor we once got for free.

Or, as Ron Sullivan put it a couple years back, reminiscing about the good ol’ days:

Remember how it felt when you realized those nice gentle brothers still thought you were a household appliance? The only household appliance they weren’t ready to give up when they went all wholegrain and groovily off-the-grid?

Well I do.

Like so many other arenas in which quality of life is seen to be dwindling in these here Modrun Times, the “good death,” in being cast as The Way Things Used To Be (though not by McKown, explicitly) is based on the assumption of unpaid female labor. Of course, there’s nothing intrinsic in dying at home that requires the presence of estrogen: men can turn over bedridden elders and clean out bed pans and advocate for the patient just as well as women can. But get real. What we’re talking about here is women — wives, sisters, daughters, mothers — taking care of the dying person for free, though perhaps with some paid expert help if they’re lucky, a nurse practitioner or attendant paid to come by for a couple hours a day.

This assumption runs deep in the quality of life movement. Ivan Illich — who not coincidentally was one of the first popular critics of overmedicalization — explicitly distinguished in his 1983 book Gender (Open Forum) between modern discrimination on the basis of gender, which he properly condemned as sexist, and forced gender role differences in traditional societies, which he called something like “gender differences” and defended as crucial to a sustainable, stable society. Illich’s conception of a sustainable stable society has influenced generations of cultural critics, for better or worse. His writings echo in the pronouncements of people from Amitai Etzioni to Wendell Berry, whose reluctance to get a word processor some years back provides my favorite example of this phenomenon:

My wife types my work on a Royal standard typewriter bought new in 1956 and as good now as it was then. As she types, she sees things that are wrong and marks them with small checks in the margins. She is my best critic because she is the one most familiar with my habitual errors and weaknesses. She also understands, sometimes better than I do, what ought to be said. We have, I think, a literary cottage industry that works well and pleasantly. I do not see anything wrong with it.

A number of people, by now, have told me that I could greatly improve things by buying a computer. My answer is that I am not going to do it. I have several reasons, and they are good ones.

The first is the one I mentioned at the beginning. I would hate to think that my work as a writer could not be done without a direct dependence on strip-mined coal. How could I write conscientiously against the rape of nature if I were, in the act of writing, implicated in the rape? For the same reason, it matters to me that my writing is done in the daytime, without electric light.

I do not admire the computer manufacturers a great deal more than I admire the energy industries. I have seen their advertisements. attempting to seduce struggling or failing farmers into the belief that they can solve their problems by buying yet another piece of expensive equipment. I am familiar with their propaganda campaigns that have put computers into public schools in need of books. That computers are expected to become as common as TV sets in “the future” does not impress me or matter to me. I do not own a TV set. I do not see that computers are bringing us one step nearer to anything that does matter to me: peace, economic justice, ecological health, political honesty, family and community stability, good work.

What would a computer cost me? More money, for one thing, than I can afford, and more than I wish to pay to people whom I do not admire. But the cost would not be just monetary. It is well understood that technological innovation always requires the discarding of the “old model”—the “old model” in this case being not just our old Royal standard. but my wife, my critic, closest reader, my fellow worker. Thus (and I think this is typical of present-day technological innovation). what would be superseded would be not only something, but somebody. In order to be technologically up-to-date as a writer, I would have to sacrifice an association that I am dependent upon and that I treasure.

Commenters may submit analyses of Berry’s insistence on exploiting female labor as a way to avoid taking part in metaphorical “rape” in fulfillment of the requirements for issuance of a Bachelor of Snark Degree from UCRN.

In a paper published a couple weeks ago, Dr. Sherilyn McGregor of Keele University in Staffordshire points out that when environmentally sound living requres extra work, that work is usually “women’s work.” Her paper is a useful and readable summation, and if it weren’t encrypted read-only I’d paste some of it here. Still, this is not news to environmentalist women. What decisions are environmentalist citizens asked to make? Choosing the green laundry detergent and toilet paper and buying organic groceries. Carrying cloth bags to the supermarket. Using non-toxic cleansers. Adding corporate citizenship to one’s list of brand loyalty factors and schlepping the Seafood Buying Guide around. Sorting trash into the proper containers for recyclables, compost, and landfilling.

Of course, we men carry all those containers to the curb, which perfectly balances the division of labor. But then you add Environmentalism 2.0 to the mix, and you have the Slow Food (read: hours spent in the kitchen) and Local Food (read: hours spent shopping) movements, and with that kind of scheduling pressure a woman likely wouldn’t even have enough time left in the day to type up her husband’s poetry.

The fact is that for all the ills the increasing corporatization of society has brought us, it has assigned value to certain forms of labor that were once devalued. It certainly hasn’t always assigned enough monetary value to those tasks, but even a paltry amount is more than nothing at all. Opposing that corporatization doesn’t have to include rolling back that valuation, trying to build an Illichian paradise where people quietly fulfill their forced gender role differences.

I’m a huge supporter of the various movements for restoring the quality of our lives, but until they rid themselves of this blind spot they will go nowhere worth going. Sadly, that patriarchal romanticism is seductive. Look at this Wikipedia description of the “Slow” movement’s goals:

Even in the recent past in the West it was standard to have a day of relaxation because all shops were closed on Sundays. However, the current tendency in many parts of the world to operate at 24 hours a day has disrupted this tradition. Now, because people can do everything all the time, some feel they have to do things all the time. The Slow movement counteracts this by extolling the virtues of the enjoyment and savouring of living.

I don’t know what it was like for your family, but I seem to recall my grandmothers working just as hard on Sundays as they did on Mondays. Though maybe they were just enjoying the process of vacuuming before people came over to relax and savouring the sinks full of dishes the relaxing generated. Ah, the good old days.

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ilyka:

I’ve been trying to avoid feeding the troll, but I have to ask: Who would post with moron for an alias?

;)

Ellen:

Pandagon can sometimes seem to be a bit of a slugfest in the comments. A recent post by Amanda on population concerns became pretty grim; there was a lot of accusation made of racism and classism, without a lot of constructive commentary on how to actually deal with the problem she raised.

I found it personally exasperating when, about midway through the brouhaha, I tried to respond in depth and with a modicum of evenhandedness (?) to one particular set of questions raised by one commenter, only to see that response blown off without any due consideration by that person—who had begun by complaining his points hadn’t been responded to initially, and who later went on to complain that he wasn’t being responded to meaningfully. Perhaps I didn’t use enough fightin’ words.

I saw similar behavior from others on that thread as well, and in contrast to the exchange that’s happened here in the last few days I think there’s a telling lesson. I got some useful criticisms here, and I really appreciated them.

That thread at Pandagon reminded me, most of all, of USEnet and, non-god help me, AOL message boards. Quite a lot of heat, but damned little light. I think I have a better understanding now of why Amanda’s mod filters seem to be so willing to hold some posts. I imagine some of the stuff that didn’t get through (apart from the usual Vialis and Ciagra spam) was pretty nasty.

And kathy, thanks again for writing about your nephew. The more I think about that the more I realize how hard it must have been—both to deal with at the time, and to be willing to put it here, which had to require you to relive at least some of it.

kathy:

Whoah, hang on here.

i dunno warren—how does your queasiness come out on the barf scale, compared to, say, trying to make a serious point or two, and getting a couple of nausea jokes back?

I thought you were in a lighthearted mode—at least initially—when making a comment about “kumbaya trauma”, followed with another about “hoisting a barf bucket”. I certainly didn’t mean to be insulting or to come across as making light of something intensely personal, painful and honest. I have an extremely dry, wry sense of humor and thought that’s where you were coming from (though not, of course, when you were telling the actual tale of your nephew’s sorrows).

No offense was meant; please believe me on that. I would never want to make light of the suffering either of a child or of the people who are forced to witness, daily for years, that child’s suffering. I apologize for misunderstanding your comments, and for adding to your personal pain. I never intended to do so and I’m genuinely sorry that I did.

I would prefer that the discussion of Pandagon stop here, as blog comment wars are contagious, especially considering this is a thread that has been linked from the thread in P’gon mentioned above. Thanks all in advance.  And thanks, Ellen, for the kind thoughts.

And as I think Belledame said recently, “don’t feed the troll” only works if the troll comments don’t stay. I left the first one, which insulted only me, because I like to at least tell myself I have a thick skin. Then he came back while I was out hiking. Further posts from “Pandagonian” other than a promise to behave will be deleted. As will any combative responses from any Pandagon regulars. Including me. (Constructive responses on non-Pandagon-bashing-or-defending topics, of course, are always welcome.)

(Incidentally, unless Moron has changed his MO and no longer posts always from the same IP and with a uniform email address, that isn’t Moron. Just to forestall any flying monkeys defending their honor.)

Chris:

I would prefer that the discussion of Pandagon stop here, as blog comment wars are contagious, especially considering this is a thread that has been linked from the thread in P’gon mentioned above.

Oh, hell. Sorry about that. It never even occurred to me, and I was the one who put the link into a comment over at P’gon.

In light of that and my insulting of kathy, perhaps I’m not even using a monocle.

ok, warren.  i appreciate what you are saying, and want you to know it is not that i’m personally insulted—just tired of people missing the point about the real (unpaid, unglamorous) work of taking care of problems nobody asks to have.  you are a decent enough guy, and mean to do the right thing.  but you need to try out some different specs.

here is the deal:  feelings aren’t enough.  action is what’s needed for a good life, and a good death.

your makeup assignment, should you choose to do it, is as follows:  when you hear of a friend, co-worker, or family facing a crisis, make a casserole and take it over.  [or cook something fresh from organic ingredients; or order something good; the important part is, take the time and take it over.] listen to what they are saying—that part is important.  if it occurs to you that something basic needs doing, gently offer to do that when they need it, and how they need it—do not push your views.  don’t judge.  don’t brag about doing it the one time, either.

that’s all.

That’s a good makeup assignment for more than just Warren. I’ve been remiss in that department too.

Thank you, kathy.

if it occurs to you that something basic needs doing, gently offer to do that when they need it, and how they need it—do not push your views.  don’t judge.  don’t brag about doing it the one time, either.

You triggered a memory of when I was a boy, summering at my grandfolks’ home, reading Reader’s Digest. (I did, I really did.)

There was a story in there about a family that had suffered a bereavement; a previously-unknown neighbor stopped by to offer to polish their shoes. That was all he offered; and that was all he did—but the writer made it clear that, amid all the other plans associated with an incipient funeral, she was glad that she didn’t have to worry about anyone showing up with scuffed, natty shoes.

I don’t know about a casserole—I can cook, and I cook well, but foods are personal, and de gustibus non disputandem est—however, I work where sometimes there are children in need, and I might be able to help them feel a little better by drawing something for them, maybe a superhero or favorite cartoon character.

I kind of have some ability along those lines, and recently actually did something like that for a kid who was standing by a family member in need; and I was glad to spend the 30 minutes or so it took to put a smile on his face.

(BTW and FWIW, this is intended as an illustration, not a boast.)

We’ve always got kids in need here; and as the holidays approach, sometimes that becomes rather poignant.

Would that be OK as a substitute assignment?

You’ve been holding out on us with the superhero drawings, Warren.

However, it occurs to me that we’re up against that feelings/work dynamic here. Not that the boundary is razor-sharp: cheering kids up and keeping them occupied IS work.

But the advantage of doing cooking for someone is that they need to eat and it needs to be done and doing it is removing a positive burden. So perhaps, given a reasonable reluctance to impose your unorthodox tastes on people, you’d do something else so that they wouldn’t have to. Mowing the lawn. Being on call to take them to the hospital. Running errands. Doing dishes.

My brother-in-law got hit by a car a few years back, riding his bike in San Francisco. He took a little while to convalesce — he nearly died, and had tons of broken bones and worse: I’ll just give you the phrase “degloved gastrocnemius” and you can decide whether to look it up or not. After he left the hospital he was still essentially a temporary paraplegic for about six weeks, restricted to a hospital bed in our living room (his apartment is a second-floor walkup in the Haight Ashbury). And caretaking was a hot issue in the family, for various reasons having to do with politics between Becky and her mother, who was determined to take care of her son if it killed him, with Becky being his advocate and quite frankly the better caregiver from a “not rebreaking bones” standpoint.

So he was having more food made for him than he wanted, which is unusual for someone in his situation. He had FAR more company than he wanted: he avoids his family at the best of times.

I contributed to his well-being in two main ways. When he could spend some time in his wheelchair, I got him the hell out of the house and he and Zeke and I would meander slowly down to the bay, so he could get away from his mother for a bit and get some fresh air.

And I kept the urinals and commode clean. He pissed, I’d wait a discreet and non-intrusive length of time, then casually snag the urinal and go clean it. The cheering up was a good thing, but cleaning urinals is not optional, and my doing it most of the time meant someone else didn’t have to and my brother-in-law didn’t have to smell half-full urinal while he was trying to sleep or something.

That’s the dichotomy I think we’re looking at. Pleasant walks down to the bay, and cleaning out stanky pissjars. Both crucial. And guess which gender of person usually performs the second category of task. Affirmative justice in this instance is close at hand.

Also, you can just ask they person if they like chile rellenos con mole poblano or blackened tofu or whatever. Not so difficult. Ron has stories about hosting dinner parties in Berkeley where you’d need a relational database to catalog the food allergies/avoidances/dislikes of the guests. ONe person is easy after you do that sort of thing for a while.

Ilyka!
If you ever blog more, invite me to be a reader! I miss your writing.
I particularly like your long essays of an autobiographical nature; have you ever considered writing your memoirs?

Chris:

Fair cop, except I didn’t disallow the other requirements kathy a asked—I wasn’t clear about that, but I don’t exclude them. In addition to the drawings, I’ll do the other things she asked, if I can, if I have the ability to.

I guess I assumed they’d be part of the process anyway; when you’re doing a sketch, you tend to converse with the people around you. Or at least I do.

Oh. And degloved gastrocnemius is quite graphic enough, thank you.

You’ve been holding out on us with the superhero drawings, Warren.

Didn’t mean to. I don’t usually try to do representational art that includes recognizable people, as I’m usually pretty bad at it—but this one kid seemed enamored of my Ghost in The Shell posters and my ATHF stuffed toys; and when he asked me, timidly and cutely, if I charged to make drawings, and when he said what he wanted, I decided to give it a try.

The original bluelined work (yes! I still sketch in non-repro blue!) was inked over and given to the boy in question; but before that I scanned it, sucked it into Photoshop, cleaned it, dropped it into Illustrator and LiveTraced it, then added final colors.

The result was really a cartoon; but the boy seemed to like it. Here it is. It’s Link from Legend of Zelda, and is based on a beautifully-rendered model I found here.

Note, BTW, that I’ll still do food. Sometimes the drawings are less than ideal. ;)

EDIT: You know, this seems a little stuck-up of me. Sorry if it is, and I don’t want to take away from anyone’s sorry experiences, particularly not kathy’s or Chris’s.

Chris: Kudos on having the fortitude to deal with your BIL’s troubles. The worst I ever had to face on that line was wondering if my own BIL would pass his railroad exam, letting him graduate up from trash hauling to a job with Santa Fe. I was the first to officially learn the news from him, and he later reported that I was “about to do backflips” in my praise of his victory.

Well, it was a major step up for him, and I said so. Repeatedly. Probably, in retrospect, too much.

Meanwhile, while I’ve known some people hit hard by catastrophe, I’ve still not lost anyone in my family; and as I approach 40 that really bothers me. Not because I’m waiting for anyone to die; but because I don’t know how I’ll react to it. Frankly, the thought scares the hell out of me.

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