This blog is closed
Reading
This story, a vaguely repellent Rachel Donadio piece in the New York Times Book Review, has provoked a bit of discussion in the blog world. The piece discusses the use of books as romantic markers, a sort of Seinfeldian trope in which “has Updike on coffee table” joins “wants/doesn’t want children” and “snorts while laughing” and “lives with mother” in the list of romantic dealbreakers.
There are a couple of good points in the article, though they’re hidden under a thick layer of superficial. One gets the feeling that the whole notion of rejecting a potential love due to the books on his or her coffee table is really a way of covering, as Donadio kinda implies, for lacking chemistry. I’m not sure why I don’t want you, and if I did then telling you the real reason would be too complicated or hurtful, so I’ll just blame Isabel Allende. Easier that way.
I would like to think that if a guest was actually interested in the person whose coffee table they were inspecting, they might ask something along the lines of “Reading Eggers, eh? How’d you like it?” And if the person gives the obviously wrong answer, which in this case would be “It’s good!,” querent could conceivably pursue the matter further by asking a difficult question such as “why do you say so?” It might be that you’d learn something, whether that’s a way of finding value in a book you’d dismissed or a really solid reason to say you have an early meeting the next day and you really ought to get going.
But no. Books aren’t, apparently, things that allow you to take in stories from other people’s points of view, to learn about topics grand or repellent, or to revel in the use of language. They’re lifestyle accessories, useful for indicating the Kind Of Person You Are. The notion that someone might actually find a good reason to read a book they really don’t like, or a book they do like on a topic they find distasteful, seems to have escaped these folks, who would apparently dismiss a potential date as a Nazi if they found a copy of Shirer on his shelf.
The discussion in the larger blog world was even more disturbing, with threads on a few different blogs devolving quickly from reasonable discussion of the phenomenon in the posts, to commenters listing their own personal dealbreakers. Some of the discussion made me wonder how old the commenters were. I don’t know about you, but I find the notion of becoming close to someone who has exactly the same taste as I do kinda unnerving, and I stand jaw agape at the number of people who claim they’d only consider falling for someone with a set of Pokemon cards that matches theirs. “Not liking Firefly might be a deal-breaker for me” indeed. I liked Firefly fine, and if I was met with a line like that I’d probably state in no uncertain terms that Thundercats had better character development.
(It restored my faith in humanity, though, that so many of the commenters in those threads said things like “I used to have dealbreakers like that, until I met my One True Love, who violated all of them.”)
I look at the books I have out where a visitor could see them without heading for the shelves — all of them books I’ve read or re-read or consulted in the last week, or that I plan to start in the next week, listed in roughly that order — and I wonder what a potential date would make of them. The list:
Handbook of the Indians of California
The Selected Letters of Wallace Stegner
Koan Garden: Ten Wu Wei Yin Stories, Jessamyn Smyth (out of print)
The Open Laboratory: The Best Science Writing on Blogs, Reed Cartwright, Editor (I’m in this one, actually)
The Search for the Giant Squid
Eros the Bittersweet
Glorified Dinosaurs
Clouded Sky
We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families
Imperial Reckoning: The Untold Story of Britain’s Gulag in Kenya
Divided We Stand: A Biography of New York City’s World Trade Center
I think there’s one or two things there that might conceivably persuade someone I was bone-jumpable, but all of them in combination? Clearly, that hypothetical date of mine would need a better metric. Like checking the condiments in the fridge. Now there’s a window into a person’s soul.
What books are you reading these days? Anything you’d recommend? Take it away in comments.
Posted by: Chris Clarke
Note: A database glitch in 2008 ate a bunch of archived comments. Don't be offended if yours isn't here, or confused if the conversation seems disjointed. Thanks!
At home on the bedstead I have Cod: a biography of a fish that changed the world, by Mark Kurlansky, a book I originally got for my marine-biology-major daughter. At work I have Cloudsplitter, a novel about John Brown’s family by Russell Banks. It is very very long and very very dense and I enjoy sipping at it. Also at work I read The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Klay by Michael Chabon and Cadillac Desert by Marc Reisner. I tried reviewing advanced algebra with one of my kids’ textbooks but this version is hopeless if you don’t have a graphing calculator with you. Recently, also, I read The Sharing Knife by Lois Bujold and everything by Valerie Freireich I could get hold of. I’m looking for more books about almost any aspect of water, especially but not limited to Western North America, and slavery pre-1800. And fun science fiction/fantasy.
I’m a long time past looking for a mate, but a lot of our early conversations were about books, ones we had both read, ones we both liked, and ones that were not in those categories.
There’s nothing much to talk about if you’re in complete agreement on everything, and talking about things is an important part of human courtship.
By: By Lucy Kemnitzer on 2008 04 06
Hey Lucy. Water books - I strongly recommend Kings of California which is about cotton and big ag, for a look at the powers behind moving water. I’ve heard really good things about Battling the Inland Sea, but haven’t gotten to it.
I just wrote up my recent book recommendations here. That post has links to my two book lists before that. I’ll stand by all of those recs.
By: By Megan on 2008 04 07
An author friend of mine, David Carle, retired Mono Lake Ranger, has written three books on California water. You can find them at http://www.qnet.com/~carle/ .
By: By Hank Fox on 2008 04 07
I found that NY Times story almost totally annoying when I read it a couple of days ago. Glad you picked up on it.
J. and I have always laughed about our piles of bedside reading and how opposite (or complementary) they are. Both are wildly eclectic, like yours. (But I’ve gotta tell you, my antennae would quiver for anyone with “Glorified Dinosaurs,” “Giant Squid,” and Anne Carson lying around.)
OK, here are the current ones on my table:
Un Grain de Sagesse, Arnaud Desjardins
Cassells New French Dictionary
Opened Ground, Seamus Heaney
The Places that Scare You, Pema Chodron
Amsterdam, Ian McEwan
Creative Bead Jewelry, Carol Taylor
Daughter of Persia, Sattareh Farman Farmaian
I and Thou, Martin Buber
The Great Enigma, New Collected Poems, Tomas Transtromer
By: By beth on 2008 04 07
I would like to marry Beth now, please.
By: By Theriomorph on 2008 04 07
Well, having read the NYT Donadio piece, I guess what I’m left with is feeling like it’s filler. A little snarky, a lot noncommittal.
I have been able to tell a lot from prospective lover’s shelves (the Rand example is a good one, as is a large ‘self-help’ section, as is a bunch of Iron John crap). Which is not to say that I always listened to the warning raised by the politics implied.
What I like (and what probably tells me the most re: compatible minds) is a bizarrely wide array of subject and style, books read nearly to the point of disintegration rather than being (solely, anyway) preserved in museum quality, the presence of actual literature/poetry/etc rather than only insta-books on the issue of the moment (the publishing industry’s version of TV), that kind of thing - it tells me the person actually loves books, reading, well-crafted language, and ideas. Love as verb, that is, not as ego-proclamation (‘I have the books I am *supposed* to have, see?’).
By: By Theriomorph on 2008 04 07
The squid book would ensure you a date with Myers, anyway. And Beth too, I guess.
By: By Rob G on 2008 04 07
Chris, I think we could have a future together. At least, until you saw the books in my bedroom bookcase.
On the coffee table: Prehistoric art, Good Calories, Bad Calories (diet research for work),
In the LR bookcase: many books on all aspects of Oriental medicine, knitting, weaving, art books, and an ancient (over 50 y.o.) Monopoly game.
In the back: tarot, astrology, and some assorted new age titles.
sigh.
I can’t help it. I’m a woo-woo who loves nature and science… but all science nerds would take one look at that esoteric bookcase and RUN. I blame it on my natal Moon in Aquarius. ::ducking::
By: By sravana on 2008 04 07
edited to add: lots of books on Hinduism, Buddhism, and Paganism. With assorted bibles. double sigh. No wonder I’m single.
By: By sravana on 2008 04 07
I would like to marry Beth now, please.
Hey! Stop cutting in line!
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 07
Also, I happen to know that the Theriomorph has, as a book-related dealbreaker, the fact that she’s unlikely to marry anyone who didn’t write The Structure of Evolutionary Theory.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 07
...and she’d be likely to marry the bloated corpse of a dead Harvard professor?
Books lying around my pitiful digs because I finished them recently and have noplace to put them, am somewhere in the middle of them, or have Intentions about em:
The Founding Fish, John McPhee
Endless Forms Most Beautiful, Sean Carroll (bionerds only)
Biology of the Snapping Turtle, Steyermark, Finkler & Brooks (eds.) (realluy serious turtle-nerds only)
Mason & Dixon, Pynchon (holy shit!!!!)
Ravings of an Unconfined Nut, autobio of Paul Krassner, one of my all-time heroes
Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis (because I read somewhere that it was the funniest book in the English language. It is pretty funny.)
The Complete Annotated Grateful Dead Lyrics, David Dodd, annotator (in the bathroom)
Infinite Jest, DF Wallace (hovering near the top of the list for years)
Legacy, Greg Bear (because my flight was cancelled and I needed something light, and this looked to be about a planet called Lamarckia, and I’m a bionerd)
yikes, some real red flags in there!
By: By Sven DiMilo on 2008 04 07
...and she’d be likely to marry the bloated corpse of a dead Harvard professor?
You may want to refer to comment number four in this thread.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 07
...and she’d be likely to marry the bloated corpse of a dead Harvard professor?
Um, yes, actually.
By: By Theriomorph on 2008 04 07
Beth is one of very few living people I would consider, come to think of it.
By: By Theriomorph on 2008 04 07
Although, Sven? That’s a pretty hot list.
By: By Theriomorph on 2008 04 07
I will confess that I got about halfway through The Founding Fish.*
That’s odd for me with McPhee, whose work I usually stay up all night to read.
I’ve been looking hard at my shelves the last few days, thinking regretfully of the number of times I am likely to move in the next few years, and wondering if I really need all those hardcover editions of Craig Childs’ writing, the Plant Disease Handbook by Cynthia Westcott, or more than the one edition of Roget’s.
The Structure of Evolutionary Theory, though: that goes on the rear axle of the pickup when I drive on ice. Indispensable.
* Obviously, a shad commentary on the state of my life.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 07
I totally loved TFF. It’s unusual McPhee because, in addition to the fascinating history and science one expects, a lot of it is about him fishing (even reprints long sections from his (erudite and witty) fishing journal). But, although I don’t fish, even those sections had some resonance with me because I used to live a half-mile from the Delaware River where most of the fishing occurs.
In one the later chapters, he muses some on fishing as a sport and pasttime, and makes a surprisingly good case against catch-and-release fisheries, which pisses off a lot of envirofishermen.
The snapping turtle book, by the way, is Brand Spanking New and chockfull of savory chelydragoodness. If you’re into that kind of thing…
By: By Sven DiMilo on 2008 04 07
Dang. All these wonderful books! And I have no time to read anything except stuff for lecture notes!
Right now I’m living the life of the walking sleepless, due to a teaching load that has gotten out of control, but I have many tall piles of “waiting to read” stacked up in the living room - when I get a chance, I’ll list some.
I’m a big fan of the eclectic bookshelf - it suggest to me a person engaged in and interested in the world, and not too dogmatic about “appropriate” topics.
By: By Rachel Shaw on 2008 04 07
current reads:
the lost memoirs of jane austen, syrie james
secretariat, the making of a champion, wm. nack
finding iris chang, paula kamen
the life of pi, yann martel
painting masterclass
the artist’s mentor, ian jackman, ed.
a field guide to birds, peterson
the elements of style, strunk and white
real boys, wm pollack
a guide to monastic guest houses, rbt regalbuto
By: By rose on 2008 04 07
Got to come out of Silent Reader mode for a book discussion, what with my weird little list:
Pears Cyclopaedia 1954-1955 (Better than googling, answers everything, so i keep this at hand)
Addams and Evil - Charles Addams
Life is My Bitch - Tatsuya Ishida (collection of the cartoon ‘Sinfest’)
Leaves of Grass - Walt Whitman
Infinity Beach - Jack McDevitt
The Diamond as Big as the Ritz and Other Stories - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
and (Don’t say i wasn’t painfully honest)
Memory in Death - J. D. Robb Guiltiest of pleasures.
By: By nickelshrink on 2008 04 07
Well, I never made it through TFF either, and I am a certified McPhee fan. Odd.
So do I get to choose which one of you to marry now? Sven, you are in the running with that snapping turtle book, and Rose, anyone who has a copy of Strunk and White close at hand is a kindred spirit for sure.
By: By beth on 2008 04 07
So do I get to choose which one of you to marry now?
Nope. It’s all of us or none of us.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 07
I read nothing but Chick tracts.
And I have trouble with some of the words.
By: By unweddable on 2008 04 07
The proper scientific term for “Chick Tracts” is “Cloaca.” Please make a note of it.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 07
=v= It can work the other way. I have reason to believe that my copy of The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind had a role in one of my earliest seductions.
While I’m not so closed- or even unicameral-minded as to insist on deal-breakers, it must be admitted that Ayn Rand is a potent anaphrodesiac.
For more on this issue, I hope you’ll all line up at the nearest corporate chain bookstore to purchase copies of my upcoming book, The Dummy’s Guide to Impressing Babes With Your Bedside Books. Alas, the publication date keeps getting delayed because the print runs keep self-destructing.
By: By Jym on 2008 04 07
I used to think I liked to judge people by their bookshelves, and then I read that article and realized that I just liked to wonder about people based on their bookshelves. My favorite bookshelves belong to my best friend’s mom—it’s an awesome mix of women-centered financial/personal/health self-help, tomes about opera (her profession), books about movies that are less than scholarly but more than trashy (Katherine Hepburn’s memoir is one), a bunch of classic, mostly British literature, and erotica. To an outsider, this might not say much worth noting, but once you know her, they make you smile in recognition.
Really, if such specific tastes were dealbreakers, I probably wouldn’t have any friends (being the only one in my social circle who appreciates the genius of Bob Dylan, and the only one not hopelessly infatuated with Wes Anderson). As long as you promise to put headphones on if you’re listening to Coldplay, we’re good to go.
I like to read in blocks of three or so—I just came off a set of education-related books (I want to be a teacher after college) from pretty different perspectives (Between Form and Freedom, a teenager parenting guide by a Waldorf teacher; A Mind At A Time, a book on the importance of recognizing individual learning profiles by a pediatrician who specializes in such things; and Educating Esme, a diary of a somewhat unconventional first-year public school teacher).
Next up is a block of love novels—The Mathematics of Love, a random book I picked up on a whim because the title combines two of my favorite things in the world; Possession: A Romance, which I hear is good; and A Long Fatal Love Chase, the last novel of Louisa May Alcott which was apparently rejected by her publisher for being too scandalous, to be published a century after her death.
But in between I’m taking a little break, reading blogs a bit more, reading some magazines, reading some zines, reading some poetry (mostly Eavan Boland of late, and Louise Gluck of always), rereading Don Delillo’s The Body Artist which is like poetry anyway (oh, what a lovely books. some critics thought it was too slow but why do you need movement when you have that language?)
By: By Isabel on 2008 04 07
A thoroughly non-comprehensive list of books I have actually read and which are visible from my desk, presented in descending order of impresstitudiness:
Ulysses, Joyce
The Odyssey, Homer
Moby Dick, Melville
Lolita, Nabokov
Faust, Goethe (in German)
Multiple books by Twain
An entire shelf of Maya history and epigraphy
Collapse, Diamond
All the Aubrey/Maturin books by O’Brian
Multiple books by S.J. Perelman, John LeCarre, Dan Simmons, Dennis Lehane, and George R.R. Martin. Oh, and “Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry.”
Back when my wife was simply an object of intense lust I went through her bookcases quite thoroughly. I wasn’t looking for any real similarities to my reading patterns (c’mon, what are the odds?) but for similar breadth and variety. I was interested in someone widely read, not someone who read what I read.
Didn’t hurt that she was as big a fan of Dorothy Sayers’ Peter Wimsey novels as I was/am.
Ron
By: By soitnly on 2008 04 07
I do think it worth noticing that the NYT story is specifically about dating in Manhattan, and interviews only New Yorkers. Maybe it’s Californian of us to be repelled.
By: By Jarrett on 2008 04 08
I think there’s one or two things there that might conceivably persuade someone I was bone-jumpable, but all of them in combination?
Um… Yes?
Lost History: the Enduring Legacy of Muslim Scientists, Thinkers and Artists by Michael Hamilton Morgan (annoying present-tense style, but very worthwhile content)
Constantinople: City of the World’s Desire, 1453-1924 by Phillip Mansel (much drier than Norwich)
The Jupiter Myth by Lindsey Davis (Pulpus Romanus, fine for the fan of period mysteries)
I think that Introduction to Elementary Particles by David Griffiths is still out near the others, but I might have stuck it safely back in the back room. (Great textbook on the nitty-gritty of particle theory, though only a few sections would be suitable for the curious layperson)
At work, I’m reading Learning Python by Mark Lutz & David Ascher (which I don’t think is a very well-done programming text, despite the wood rat on the cover). Also, Guide to Analysis of DNA Microarray Data by Steen Knudsen (just started, for an overview of methods rather than gripping prose).
...and she’d be likely to marry the bloated corpse of a dead Harvard professor?
Um, yes, actually.
Well, as the bloated corpse of a dead Yale… [fumbles vainly for job description sheet] ...something, may I say this is encouraging for those of us who want to keep our options open.
Obviously, a shad commentary on the state of my life.
Oh, lordy, Chris, do you really want to get into the whole “shad rack” bit again?
By: By mds on 2008 04 08
Not if it’ll start a roe.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 08
Oh my cod. Not another pun war.
By: By Rachel Shaw on 2008 04 08
But Rana, they’re the sole reason people read this blog!
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 08
=v= In my experience it’s not really an NYC thing—though in the spirit of interboro rivalry I might be inclined to call it a Manhattan thing. Of course, within Manhattan I’d be inclined to call it an Uptown thing, but Uptowners might be quick to point out that it’s probably more of an Upper East Side thing.
But seriously, the Times and the New Yorker do have an undercurrent of reporting the quirks of a certain class of urbanite that I’ve never met. The best corrective is to have some books by Paul Auster on your bedside table.
By: By Jym on 2008 04 08
Of course, within Manhattan I’d be inclined to call it an Uptown thing, but Uptowners might be quick to point out that it’s probably more of an Upper East Side thing.
And Upper East Siders might be quick to point out that it’s probably more of an East 86th thing? “And these have smaller fleas to bite ‘em…”
The best corrective is to have some books by Paul Auster on your bedside table.
When bound together with a strap, they make an impressive (if unwieldy) blackjack, yes.
Oh my cod. Not another pun war.
Sorry, Rana. I didn’t mean to tip the scales in that direction. I’ve previously been schooled on this, but those who thought I had learnt my lesson now catch me singing a different tuna.
By: By mds on 2008 04 08
I didn’t mean to tip the scales in that direction. I’ve previously been schooled on this, but those who thought I had learnt my lesson now catch me singing a different tuna.
Nice riposte, chum.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 08
the Times and the New Yorker do have an undercurrent of reporting the quirks of a certain class of urbanite that I’ve never met.
Yes. I have this working hypothesis that New York is incapable of understanding what is unique and what is typically American about itself - and that fairly consistently it is directly opposite of the reality. The world does not wear skinny jeans, and New York is more of a European city than an American one.
...
These puns… it’s like there’s this bass undertow to the codversation. Slowly we’ll be up to our gills in it, and swimming in grouper-think. I’m sorry I’m feeling crabby; this day has made me feel rather like a sucker, and I’m all tired trout.
Fin?
By: By Rachel Shaw on 2008 04 08
My favorite writer, JG Ballard, is near death… if you’ve never read him, please do. I recommend his later novels first, then work backward. Cocaine Nights is fantastic.
As for “deal breakers”—I’ve been married 20 years. We used to be really different, and now, somehow, our tastes have merged (as WE have merged) and we are quite similar… these so-called “deal breakers” will pass and go out of fashion, then come back in fashion. In 20 years, we’ve swapped favorite writers, bands, movies multiple times… After all these years, we’ve been through each other’s cultural debris countless times; after all, it’s right there, you might as well read it/watch it/listen to it. You swear you will NEVER read Heinlein, and you break down and do it. (Hey! That was fun! Why did I WAIT so long?) He swears he isn’t going to listen to some dreck of yours, and there he is with the CD in his car: “This is better than I thought!”
If you give up on people, you never have that feeling of triumph when they finally listen to your CD!!!!!
By: By Daisy on 2008 04 08
one more of those bad fishpuns and my brain is gonna milt.
By: By Sven DiMilo on 2008 04 08
I have reason to believe that my copy of The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind had a role in one of my earliest seductions.
Jym, you’re making my juices flow. If you have Archaeology and Language: The Puzzle of Indo-European Origins by Colin Renfrew, I’m yours.
Fish puns. Huh. No, I ain’t gonna bite.
By: By Rob G on 2008 04 08
If you have Archaeology and Language: The Puzzle of Indo-European Origins by Colin Renfrew, I’m yours.
And here I was thinking Rob would go for low lights, a cozy fire, and Salmon Dave on the stereo.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 08
Close, Chris. “Salmon Chanted Evening” is one of my fave songs.
By: By Rob G on 2008 04 08
“Salmon Dave”? ouch…I oughta kick your wrasse.
And what’s a fishpun thread without the venerable “just for the halibut”?
you’re right: funnier. But not as venerable.
By: By Sven DiMilo on 2008 04 08
If it haddock come from someone, Sven, you’re just the manta oblige.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 08
I didn’t think anyone else ever read The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. It certainly never got me laid.
Most of my books are nonfiction, politics, and a little science fiction. Currently reading Jean Baker’s The Stevensons: a biography of an American family (It’s an Illinois thing).
But the ones on my coffee table are clearly not there to impress anyone, because they’re mixed in with magazines (of similar subject matter to my books), yesterday’s dishes, and the wrapper to a bicycle headlamp I bought last week. Or was it two weeks ago? Hell, you can’t even see the top of my coffee table.
Luckily my wife is just as tidy as I am (add in her crochet art magazines and hooks and a small loom) so we’ve had a wonderful 28 years trying to convince each other that the mess is the other person’s fault.
By: By decrepitoldfool on 2008 04 08
Uncle! I give up! You’ve put me in my plaice! (did we use that one yet?)
By the way, I find that the “just for the halibut” line cracks up the waitresses at Red Lobster every time. Incredibly, none of them ever seem to have heard it before.
By: By Sven DiMilo on 2008 04 09
But the ones on my coffee table are clearly not there to impress anyone, because they’re mixed in with magazines (of similar subject matter to my books), yesterday’s dishes, and the wrapper to a bicycle headlamp I bought last week. Or was it two weeks ago? Hell, you can’t even see the top of my coffee table.
Luckily my wife is just as tidy as I am (add in her crochet art magazines and hooks and a small loom) so we’ve had a wonderful 28 years trying to convince each other that the mess is the other person’s fault.
Our household resembles this remark.
(It’s just the place to dis a ray.)
By: By Rachel Shaw on 2008 04 09
Apparently some here are suckers for fish puns. Well, indulge yourselves now. The feelings of remoras will come later, as they do whenever you subscribe to an icky theology.
By: By Rob G on 2008 04 09
Someone as well versed in CRN morays as you are, Rob, oughtta know by now that these threads can go on for dace.
Were I you, I’d just goby happy you don’t have to moderate the things.
By: By Chris Clarke on 2008 04 09
Fish puns? It is disappointing to see CRN flounder in this manner.
I have a few books waiting unread next to the bed including a history of US interventions in the Middle East called Power, Faith and Fantasy and The Double by Jose Saramago.
Right now I am in the middle of Deep Economy by Bill McKibben.
Books have been pivotal in my current relationship. We do not read the same things but we read together and we wind our way through the bookstores browsing and slowly finding each other again.
By: By ellenbrenna on 2008 04 16
Fish puns? It is disappointing to see CRN flounder in this manner.
Just to dissent for a minnow, I thought it was actually quite brill.
By: By R. Mildred on 2008 04 17
Categories:
Books
