The Gettysburg Address, by Sarah Palin
Four score and seven, eight, years ago — it was some time ago, anyway, in the days of our forefathers. And the forefathers… they brought forth in this American country a new nation, America. America’s life began at the moment it was conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the prop… proposal? They had this idea — they were very wise and god-fearing men — that they all, all men, were originally created equal by their creator.
Again, my understanding is we are engaged in a great civil war, proving to the world and all the foreign countries. I want all Americans to grasp what is in store for this country of America. I am all about America enduring, enduring into the future and beyond. And unfortunately, that is the road that America is finding itself on in this field, a battlefield, on the land border of the boundary we share with our great neighbor to the South. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. That’s a heck of a lot more than a whole lot of Senators and Congressmen and Representatives have done for us in Washington.
But, in a much bigger kind of a larger sense, we can not…we can not cultivate this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, good public servants with servants’ hearts and astounding work ethic… they are America’s success! What I think the world at the end of the day is going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who’s more apt to be talking about solutions here, and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who’s actually done the ground-consecrating here. It is for us the living, rather, who are still alive and unkilled, to be dedicated here to choose to finish the unfinished work which they who fought here died before it was finished. If I have learned one thing: Life is about choices! Life is too short to compromise time and resources… it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, to dedicate yourself to the great task remaining before you — that from these honorable dead guys, our boys in uniform, and some girls too, and to take more and more each day and increased devotion to that cause for their devotion that they measured last, here in the Keystone State. We could highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.
[Thanks to Jesse for the writer’s prompt.]
Comments
Ow, my brain.
Palin has studied under George Bush. Soundbite Sarah, all winks and no compassion whatsoever.
Hysterical! And frightening for its realism.
(You realize this makes you a commie-bastard terrorist-supporting unpatriotic America-hating state trooper-loving reason-our-nation-is-crumbling deviant? And you probably support gay marriage too…)
Nice try, but it’s still insufficiently lacking in erudition. :-)
So how about in honor of the American soldier, you quit making up things?
(I am still shaking my head over that one.)
Well done, sir.
mmmbetcha.
You’re a homosexual and Communist, aren’t you? Ya betcha. Why do you hate Real America so much?
Hilarious. Can you get Tina Fey to perform it?
Brilliant.
Would only be improved if you’d thrown a couple of “alsos” at the end of sentences.
I can’t believe you never told me you were Palin’s ghost writer. You think you know a guy….
very good! Except it’s better…
Nothing but win. Genius, dear boy, sheer genius.
Better than M. Dowd’s recent stab at emulating Ms. Palin’s compositional tendencies (Oops. Almost wrote “compostional” there, which may also work.)
I think if Ms. Palin were speaking it, there would be more “ands” connecting phrases. Are they run-on sentences? Or does she just speak as if they are?
Great parody. However you missed one speech characteristic of Palin. She NEVER just says “America” or “country”. She always modifies it as in “Great America” or Great Country.
Now you need to write the Gettysburg Address for Joe Biden. That would be just as funny.
Great! Good to know, also, that Sarah is now pro-choice:
If I have learned one thing: Life is about choices!
well done.
I do have to point to my flag, which was up in October.
http://www.idislikeyourfavoriteteam.com/2008/10/sarah-palin-delivers-gettysburg-address_03.html
However, your post seems to be generating traffic to my unheralded attempt, so I can’t complain.
AWESOME.
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