I wish that I had never met
the one who set my heart aflame.
All the decisions I regret
I made after I learned her name,
excepting those I’d made before.
I used to long to hear her voice.
I never do that anymore,
which seems to be the wiser choice.
I wish that I had never found
myself enmired in talking late.
I wish I’d been more tightly wound,
my basal metabolic rate
less prone to fluctuation when
her silence took that certain tone
and I would tread eggshells again,
dallying desperately alone.
I wish I had avoided all
our shoulder-hollow-knotting trysts
that etched away my stomach’s wall
and made me want to slash my wrists.
I wish that I had been the one
to call it ended, when it seemed
her fantasy had come undone
and I was not the man she’d dreamed.
But I was me, for ill or good.
I rode it out until the end,
when finally I understood
what failed in love would fail as friends.
I wish I never knew her, yet
there isn’t much real there to mourn;
trivial pleasures I forget,
the chaff blown off of last year’s corn.

1. 
   dale 2009 12 22 at 9:33:00 am

   Wonderful, Chris.

2. 
   nina 2009 12 22 at 9:36:03 am

   Nobody does sweet little wistful nostalgic love poems (that bite) like you.

3. 
   Chris Clarke 2009 12 22 at 5:47:36 pm

   Thanks, y’all.

   Full disclosure: I just tweaked it slightly. Probably not noticeable, but, you know. Full disclosure.

4. 
   Chris Clarke 2009 12 22 at 11:06:23 pm

   After having a dazzling pair of beautiful and concerned brown eyes bat at me here at home, it has occurred to me to mention that this poem in no way describes current events.

5. 
   Space Kitty 2009 12 24 at 1:36:22 am

   Aw.

6. 
   Helen 2009 12 27 at 8:36:45 pm

   Should “trod” be “tread”?
   Not wanting to be a smartarse - I could never write like that myself! Awesome.

7. 
   Chris Clarke 2009 12 29 at 1:08:01 am

   Should “trod” be “tread”?

   Well hell, that’s embarrassing.

8. 
   Will May 2010 01 31 at 11:16:58 pm

   This is very poignant and absolutely gorgeous. It’s also eerily similar to a recent situation of my own, so perhaps I am somewhat biased due to the subject matter. At any rate—fantastic work.